{"id":302,"date":"2020-05-25T00:04:56","date_gmt":"2020-05-25T00:04:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/?p=302"},"modified":"2020-05-25T00:06:42","modified_gmt":"2020-05-25T00:06:42","slug":"chronicles-of-a-grant-writer-in-the-time-of-social-distancing-week-10","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/?p=302","title":{"rendered":"Chronicles of a Grant Writer in the Time of Social Distancing — Week 10"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

May 18<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yesterday I did a Google search regarding the supply chain\nand the availability of paper towels, which seem to be harder to find as the\nweeks go on, not easier. (At the moment we are fully stocked on the worst quality\ntoilet paper on the market, which was all we could find last week, but we are\ndangerously low on paper towels.) I couldn\u2019t find any news more than a few\nweeks old, but one nugget of information I found mentioned a trade dispute\nbetween the United States and Canada. Apparently Canadian forests are an\nimportant source of pulp for paper towel production. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the grand scheme of things, paper towels don\u2019t actually\nmake the cut as a life and death necessity, but they are definitely second level\non the hierarchy of needs for my family. If I had any influence in U.S.-Canada\ntrade negotiations, I\u2019d be groveling right now with the Canadians. Really, this\nis madness. (And, yes, I am privileged and wasteful, and I know there are\nalternatives to paper towels, but I like my Bounty full-sheets and someday I\nwill have them again!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And while we are at it, I continue to marvel at the greed\nand insatiability of the hoarders who put us in this situation. They must have\nbasements and garages packed with paper products. Even if you were going to\nbarricade yourself at home for a full year, how many paper towel rolls could\nyou possibly need? It\u2019s hard for me to fathom how it is possible to be that\nselfish.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As you can see, the scarcity of certain products, combined\nwith limiting my shopping frequency, is starting to wear on me. And that\u2019s not\nall. I\u2019m worn out from the constant juggling act of working and schooling and\nsocial distancing. We need to get out, and have a little social distance from\nour immediate family members. I am starting to fantasize about sitting at my\ndesk at work and being bored for an hour or so. At this point, that sounds like\na vacation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am by nature a positive person, and I try to avoid\ncomplaining, but I felt today that I needed to vent some of my frustration,\nboth to relieve my own stress, and to avoid painting a false fa\u00e7ade of domestic\ntranquility. Even for those of us with the most fortunate circumstances right\nnow, the little things in life are a whole lot more challenging than usual. I\nknow this too shall pass, but not as quickly as I would like.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May 19<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Shortly after writing yesterday\u2019s post, I reached out to my\nsister for advice about paper-towel buying, and she told me she had recently\nordered Amazon brand paper towels. I followed her lead, and should have a few\nrolls in my possession before the end of the week, and that knowledge has\nreduced my anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s really strange what we\u2019re going through now, and how\nseemingly insignificant things can create so much frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve been lucky throughout this period of social distancing to be able to take my weekly ballet class through Zoom. (Shout out to Bodiography Center for Movement<\/a> for being proactive in setting up virtual classes.) During normal times, when I have to get from home to the dance studio, I often run a few minutes late. I thought that with my commute shortened to a walk down the stairs I would be on time for class. But oh no, I am still frequently a couple of minutes late. This can be attributed to a lot of factors, not the least of which is my tendency to run late. But I realized today that there is something else at play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

With nowhere to go, and no break from our family members, we\nare missing the opportunity to have periods of transition throughout the day.\nWhen I drop my kids off at school in the morning, I typically have 5-10 minutes\nto myself before I arrive at work. This is time during which my mind can\nwander, and I sometimes think about items to add to my to-do list, or just have\na breather to get myself into a work mindset, ready to tackle the tasks of my\njob.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

During COVID-19, there is no time for transition. I go\nstraight from giving my kids breakfast to answering work e-mails. One morning a\nfew weeks ago, I took a solo walk around the block when I found it impossible\nto settle into my work day, but otherwise, my days are typically a blur of not\nonly moving directly from one responsibility to another, but often handling\nmore than one simultaneously. It\u2019s exhausting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I run late to ballet because there is no time buffer for\ntravel from home to the studio, just as I have no time to organize my thoughts\nbetween settling my kids onto their Zoom lessons and hopping on to my own video\ncalls. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My personal goal for the next few weeks is to create more\ntransition times for myself (such as by taking more walks) so I have the\nheadspace to handle my responsibilities more effectively, and to fortify myself\nemotionally so I am less impatient with my children. Wish me luck.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May 20<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

During this time when we are primarily at home, and when we\ndon\u2019t have access to many of our regular amusements, there is time to fill.\nActually, I have been surprised by how little unfilled time I have had since\nwork is as demanding as usual, and my kids need lots of attention. Still, with\nall that, there have been opportunities to do things we don\u2019t usually have time\nto do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some people have embarked on baking projects (don\u2019t we all\nhave at least one social media contact who posts about their sourdough\nstarter?), others have learned new skills, and others have tackled home\nimprovement or bucket list projects. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t enter this time with any grandiose goals. I know\nfrom experience that \u201cfree\u201d time is deceptive and is easy to squander, but it\u2019s\nalso surprising how much one can accomplish in little bits every day. On the\nother hand, with so much fear and anxiety attached to this time, I heeded the\nwarnings that putting too much pressure on myself and my family could be\npsychologically damaging. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like much of the back-and-forth about this trying time,\nthere are strong opinions on opposing sides. (\u201cTake on big goals\u201d versus \u201cjust\ntry to survive.\u201d) True to my middle-of-the-road nature, our family made some\nprogress toward modest goals, without adding too much pressure. Now that some\nof the fear is lifting, maybe we will conquer other goals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was moved by this blog post<\/a> by Sarah Tuttle Singer, which one of my Facebook friends shared today. Ms. Singer\u2019s writing is often raw and beautiful, and this particular blog post resonated deeply with me as it captured the gap between what we thought would come from this time, and what actually has happened in our home lives. She writes that she didn\u2019t bake bread or do many of the things that characterized this time for others, but notes, in her poetic way, that she\u2019s still here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Unlike Ms. Singer, I did bake bread. On three occasions (so\nfar), my daughter and I baked small batches of challah. We also baked blondies,\nmuffins, cookies, and other treats. My kids both mastered riding their bikes, a\nlong overdue goal. I spent some time reading books from my personal to-read\nlist, though I\u2019m a slow reader and haven\u2019t had as much time as I expected for\nthis goal. I also made modest progress in tackling some household clutter and\ndoing a bit of gardening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When I look back on this time, I may or may not remember\nthose modest accomplishments. However, I think I will look back with pride on\nthe relative feeling of normalcy in our home at this time. We have been so\nfortunate. This time has been sad and scary, but it has not been traumatizing\nfor our children. They will rebound from their frustrations. They will have\nsome catching up to do with academic subjects and readjusting to social\ndynamics, but they will be OK. They will still be here, ready to learn and embark\non life\u2019s adventures.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May 21<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s been a long and busy week, and my kids\u2019 tolerance for\nfrustration is greatly diminished. As they tackled their school assignments\ntoday, one was resistant to even begin work, and the other worked so long and\nso hard that she was emotionally spent. Fortunately, the weather has been\nlovely and has been conducive to more outdoor time, which is exactly what we\nall needed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I dragged my weeping daughter out of the house around 5:30\np.m., along with her reluctant brother, and we went for a longish walk. Along\nthe way, they complained, taunted each other, and stalled repeatedly, but we\ngot home with something closer to emotional equilibrium than when we left, and\ntheir moods at home afterward were more placid, so I will call that a win.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I read an article today about the severe lockdown in Spain,\nand the emotional toll it has placed on children who were not permitted to be\noutdoors for weeks. We are so fortunate that our \u201cstay at home\u201d order never had\nsuch stringencies. The ability to be outside is necessary for physical and\nmental health, though it\u2019s often hard to convince our kids to go out. It\u2019s\nclear that when they do go out, even for short bursts of activity, they feel\nbetter and ultimately sleep better at night. This is not rocket science, but\nsometimes as a parent, it\u2019s good to be reminded not to just give into the\ninertia, but to continue pushing the kids out the door for everyone\u2019s health\nand sanity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

May 18 Yesterday I did a Google search regarding the supply chain and the availability of paper towels, which seem to be harder to find as the weeks go on, not easier. (At the moment we are fully stocked on the worst quality toilet paper on the market, which was all we could find last … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-302","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=302"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":305,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/302\/revisions\/305"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=302"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=302"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.susanjablow.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=302"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}